Answered Prayer

For those of you that know us well, you know that Vipul's job search has been quite a journey. As I'm sitting here looking through countless journal entries, I'm realizing that I haven't fully processed that our journey has come to an end. I claimed this verse for us years ago:

"Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle.
They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle."
Psalm 107:4-7

There is much I don't understand, but what I know is that God's love never fails. I'm without more words. Thankfully my husband is not and here are his.


So, we’re moving to Charlotte at the end of the month. I’ve gotten a new job with a large practice there. It has been a long journey, and Kindra has asked me to share a bit about it.

Before I go any further, please know that when I talk about trials or struggles, I’m in no way comparing myself to the real suffering that goes on in this world and is evident on any given day of the news cycle. I am immeasurably blessed, with a gorgeous, loving wife, beautiful kids, and a comfortable home. Even professionally, I have a stable, high-paying job with a relatively high level of security and prestige. But trials come in all shapes and sizes, and I have found that the worst trial is the one we each face ourselves.

When I joined my group in Tampa, I was very excited about the opportunity, but I soon learned that there were some issues that would make it difficult for me to stay long-term. There were too many restrictions and handcuffs, and after a while I could feel the frustration mounting and wearing me down. I tried to change some of these things, but was unable to, and I knew I had to look for another job. This was a big deal, because due to my restrictive covenant it meant uprooting and leaving Tampa and starting all over in new city. But thankfully Kindra was understanding and supportive.

Unfortunately, the economy was in recession, Obamacare passed into law, and physician hiring slowed to a crawl. I also wasn’t looking for just any job, but was waiting for something truly better, something that I really felt was God’s plan. There were several opportunities I turned down, a few that turned me down, and the months rolled on without anything coming together. It grew progressively harder on me—after spending my entire adult life training, I just wanted to be settled in the right job and city. Five years after beginning this job, I am now moving on, and here are some things I learned along the way:

     

      1.  God can take it.

Most Christians, had they been a fly on the wall in our home during the hardest times, would have called me a blasphemer for the things I said in anger about God. I was thoroughly convinced at times that He was cruel, hated me, and out to get me. I openly regretted being a Christian, doubted God’s existence, and pretended to stop caring what He thought. But God is big. Really big. And He is not in the least bit insecure about it. So He can handle me screaming at Him in my pain and confusion, and I think it makes Him glad when we share our hearts as honestly as possible.

      2.  God has not forgotten you.

Much of the time, as one opportunity after another fell through, I felt that God had abandoned me. I thought that He didn’t hear me, or had given up on me, or had turned His back on me. I thought that He cared so much about everyone else, but not me. I felt like I was defective, that He had cast me aside as a mistake.

He had not.

God has never forgotten me or you, and He never will. This is something that, until recently, my head and my heart have been unable to agree upon. As much as you believe it in your head that God is with you, peace is only possible when your heart buys into it too.

      3.  God has a plan. Really.

I think most of us would be ok with a little hardship if we could see that it all turns out well in the end. I mean, halfway through a romantic movie when the relationship inevitably sours or falls apart, no one’s really thinking the main character is going to end up alone, right? But the uncertainty of it, the unfairness of it, is what makes it so hard. I was convinced that even if I did eventually find a great job with a great group in a great city, I would never understand or feel good about the time and heartache it took to get there. I was wrong.

I have learned a ton in my current job, and I would not have been qualified for the new one without that experience. We have also been able to go through many other personal trials with the support of our friends in town. Most importantly, this trial has made real to me that God really does know what He is doing. Repeat it to yourself when you doubt: He knows what He’s doing.

     4.  Keep moving forward.

This was the hardest thing to learn for me. I have spent most of my life on a prescribed path, like most people in medicine, and this was the first time that I was derailed from it. Stuck in the mud, I cried out to God to rescue me, but I put my life on hold waiting for Him to do so. I refused to live in so many other areas, thinking that “why should we bother doing ____, when we might move soon?” But when we’ve fallen down or fallen off the path, I think God wants us to keep crawling forward as best as we can, in every way that we can. Perseverance in the face of hopelessness creates a purity of faith, and I think God loves to see it. It’s weird, but it wasn’t until I began embracing every other area of my life and tried to be content with work that things started happening with the job search.

Many of you are probably experiencing much harder trials than I’ve ever had to, and my heart goes out to you. Open your heart to God, believe the best you can—He will not let you down.

Anya Joanne

My little girl was 1 month old last Tuesday. It's hard to believe that 1 month ago we were meeting her for the first time. Her due date was April 1, but just like her brother she arrived two days early. We felt sure she would come early, but just not sure how early. In the weeks leading up to her birth, my Braxton-Hicks contractions had become more and more frequent to the point that at times they seemed to be constant. And there had been one afternoon about two weeks prior to her due date that I definitely had real contractions. But they passed after I was able to lie down for awhile.
 
On Saturday, March 30 I began having real contractions at about 7 am. They weren't very strong and I didn't time them, but they were steady and didn't stop. Vipul had planned to take Anlon to the Florida Aquarium that morning (his favorite place to go with Daddy) and I really wanted them to have this special time together, especially since the aquarium had some fun Easter activities scheduled that weekend. At this point I thought that if I did go into labor that day, it wouldn't be until late in the evening. But around 10:30 am my contractions were about 7 minutes apart and had become quite a bit stronger. And by the time Vipul and Anlon came home around 12:30 pm, they were 4-5 minutes apart and very strong. I was definitely in pretty severe pain at this point and knew it was likely time to go to the hospital. But I never would have guessed that I was already 8 cm dilated when we arrived at 1:50 pm. I had planned to have an epidural as I did with Anlon, and my doctor said there was still time to get one, but encouraged me to consider going ahead without one since I was so far along and had done so well. So although I was tempted to get the epidural, I decided to go for it without one! I'm really glad I did and also thankful I now have both experiences - with an epidural and without. I can definitely say there's benefit to both, but if we're blessed with another biological child, I'd try again without one.

Anya Joanne Shah arrived at 3:16 pm and she is just wonderful. The Sanskrit meaning of Anya is "inexhaustible" and the Russian meaning is "grace". God has definitely shown us His inexhaustible grace through her life thus far. Joanne was my grandmother's name (spelled Jo Ann) and it was actually Vipul's idea to give her this name. Grandmom was the most Christ-centered person I've ever known. Her heart to truly love and serve others unconditionally was a blessing to everyone who knew her. I pray Anya's life leaves a legacy of the saving grace of Jesus as Grandmom's did.

These were taken by the hospital photographer the day after her birth.

We were really eager to see how Anlon would react to his new sister, and he was so loving towards her. He's going to be a wonderful big brother.

Our hospital stay was brief - we were given the option to leave early since Anya and I were doing so well. So we headed home just a little over 24 hours after her birth.

It was really nice to be home. Anlon was eagerly waiting for us when we arrived and so excited to see his new best friend. He calls her "baby Anya" and now I find myself calling her this too.

 Our families have been a lot of help and gave Anlon and Anya lots of love.

Vipul's sister Amoli and her fiance' Pratik were able to visit too, and we were able to meet Pratik's parents. We had a wonderful time with them.

My favorite time since Anya's birth was the second week Vipul was off from work. It was just the 4 of us and we had such a special time as a family. Vipul has been absolutely incredible, always looking for ways to serve and help lessen my load.

Anya's 2 week appointment - all is well

She really enjoyed her first bath at home.

I'm so in love with my little french fry. She is a cuddle bug just like her brother. In fact, she would love nothing more than to be held all day long (very thankful for my Ergo carrier). And she is very strong. We were still in the hospital when she first lifted her head up high while laying on my chest. I have a feeling she's going to be quite a spirited little girl (like me as my mom says). She is very vocal and has no hesitation making her feelings known. For example, she strongly dislikes diaper changes and cries the entire time, before becoming calm as soon as the horrific procedure is over. And her expressions keep us smiling.

As sweet as these weeks have been, they've also had their challenges - in part because she's been colicky, especially in the evenings. We have found some relief in a homeopathic gripe water called Colic Calm. It usually helps quite a bit, although the evening of her 1 month birthday she was quite unhappy and nothing seemed to help. I tried taking this picture the next morning to get a happier shot, and the result was the same.

She gave us a couple of 4 hour stretches of sleep during the first week, but since then she's been waking up every 2 hours (sometimes every hour if she falls asleep after nursing and I can't wake her) at night. She sleeps in a beautiful bassinet by our bed that we borrowed from our friends the Whites, and this swing we borrowed from our friends the Cullum's has been so helpful when she's had trouble going back to sleep. It has also been wonderful as I know she will be content in it while I put Anlon down for his nap each day.

 

At the end of our first day without Daddy - we survived :)

 But tougher days were ahead :(

 

But the next time this happened (after Anlon woke up too early from his nap and needed to rock for awhile), I just rocked them both together and everyone was happy.

 

I'm little by little, moment by moment, becoming more comfortable as a mother of 2. 

God is pouring His grace and mercy over me as I learn how to be the best mama I can be. I'm so grateful for the incredible gift Anya is to our family.