Getting Started

I've been considering starting a blog for a couple of years, and thanks to my dear friends Amber and Chrissy, I'm finally here! Thanks to you both for all of your encouragement and help in setting up my blog.

Today my son Anlon is 5 weeks and 2 days old. As I'm watching him sleep on my husband's chest, I'm reminded of the 5 1/2 years before he joined our family. After 7 months of dating and a short 5 month engagement, Vipul and I were married on February 26, 2005. I knew I eventually wanted children, but I was definitely not in a hurry. I wanted to enjoy just being married and growing with my husband. Vipul was still in residency when we got married, so my desire fell in line with the fact that he still had several more years of training before he would have a 'real' job.

We've had many wonderful times, just the two of us. We've been spontaneous and have often planned surprise trips for one another. We've gone to Alaska, the Bahamas, New York City, Chicago, Las Vegas... we've taken a couple of cruises, stayed in quaint bed and breakfast inns as well as nice hotels, spent a year in Denver enjoying skiing almost every weekend in the winter... but we've also had many trials. We each brought past hurts and disappointments into our marriage and have endured family struggles, changes in friendships, work disappointments, and even a near-death experience. We've literally experienced 'in sickness and in health.' And I was afraid.

Afraid of having a child. Afraid that I wouldn't be a good mother, that we wouldn't be the parents God desires, that generational sin would creep in, that we would never have fun trips again, that we'd never have a date again, that all we'd ever talk about would be the kids, that I would suffer from post-partum depression, that I'd lose myself.... so I began to pray and ask God to help me with my fears and prepare my heart if it was His timing for us to begin trying to conceive. And then one day I remember standing in our kitchen and thought, 'something is missing in our life, in our home.' I can't say that every fear disappeared that day. In fact, I continued to have to fight some of these fears during my pregnancy, along with a few new ones such as 'what if the nursery isn't ready and I haven't sent out all of the thank you cards before he comes'. But God was so patient and gracious with me. And on the night I went into labor, I can honestly say I had complete peace. And that peace has continued.

Now as I look at our son, I am just blown away by how utterly good our God is. How He doesn't give us what we deserve. He never gives up on us, He never gets tired of us, He never leaves us. He's bestowed on Vipul and I a precious gift, Anlon Vipul Shah. Anlon's name means 'great champion.' As I think about it, a champion couldn't be such if fear was his guide. I'm a mess in my own flesh, and I won't be a perfect mom. But I can't wait to see what God has in store for us.