This Treasure

Strange how difficulties can sometimes result in inspiration. The last few days have been really hard due to a combination of factors. One of those factors is Anlon's recent return to his 5 am wake-up time. His usual time is 6 am, but since the time change last month, he's been waking up at 5. However, I had become spoiled after a brief stint of 6:30 and even 7 am mornings (which we've never had before!) and 5 am feels earlier than it used to.

A few mornings ago Anlon woke up crying just before 5 (he always cries when he wakes up earlier than he should) and I waited to see if he would go back to sleep. I was emotionally and physically exhausted - weary in my bones. I prayed that he would somehow go back to sleep, if only for a few minutes. I decided to take a shower since I couldn't sleep at this point. I've had this feeling before - the feeling that I've come to the end of myself. I'm out of words. I'm out of prayers. My heart is burdened with so much more than Anlon's lack of sleep. And yet this morning sleep would seem to make everything better. Lord, Please. Please. PLEASE. I can't hear Anlon cry as the water beats down. What if he's fallen back asleep? But what if he hasn't? What if I turn the shower off and hear him still crying? I am faced with a pivotal moment. I only have two choices. I can allow this feeling of despair to take me over or I can choose to believe that the God of the universe knows best and will carry me through this day and every day after. I can choose to smile (for real - not just the mask I've been known to put on) and trust that He who began a good work in me will continue this work, painful as it may be.

I chose the latter option, somehow. Yes, Anlon was still crying. But it was ok. It really was ok. And what a wonderful morning we had together. Some of my sweetest moments with him have been before the sun comes up, while Vipul is still sleeping upstairs and the house is quiet. This morning was sweet. And he even took a great nap, during which time I was able to rest too. The prayers of a dear friend on my behalf were answered. And we had such a fun time preparing dinner together. I've told him that he's such a good helper. Now when I thank him for helping me, he tells me "I such a good helper." He enjoyed standing on a stool, watching me cut vegetables. He even ate a few pieces of raw zucchini and yellow squash. Thank you Jesus for your goodness and mercy that abound in the midst of tears. Thank you for this simple, perfect day.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed."

2 Corinthians 4:7-9